What the hell?
by l0v3l1k3w1nt3r
Summary: What happens when the FF8 gang stumble on a slash fanfic site? Lol, this is VERY insane! Rated PG14 for some mild language.Chapter 3 is UP! YOU GET TO FIGURE OUT WHO ENTERS THE SCENE AND BRINGS EVERYTHING TO THE INSANITY POINT! [Hiatus.....]
1. Look at this site!

What the hell?

A/N: I got this idea as I went through all the story titles, and I saw some with slash, and I began to wonder: how would the FF8 gang react to all this? This is my point of view. Yet another piece of my insanity. ME GO BACK TO SCREAMING AT SQUIRRELS AFTER!

Chapter 1: Look at this site!

The FF8 gang was watching Monty Pithon in their lounge. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That guy got hit on the head with a coconut!" Irvine squealed. "Yeah, we know. We're not blind." said Seifer (I do NOT know why I added him in...). "And this is what we get when we try to watch a good movie..." said Squall. Meanwhile, Zell was on his laptop, looking at pictures of hotdogs (or porn, you're pick), when suddenly, a pop-up comes up. "Ugh! A pop-up. Hey... click here to see FF8 slash stories... what's slash?" he wondered out-loud. He clicked on the ad, and he got to a page filled with stories. "Slash? Uh-oh, this doesn't look good... anything on me?" asked Quistis eagerly. Everyone abandoned the TV and crowded the laptop. "Uhh... there is. But why does it say 'Seiftis'?" Zell asked. "Shut up and clicked on it!" cried Seifer, and he grabbed the mouse and clicked on the link. They all then saw a story. "Oooh! I hope it's a fairy tale!" said Selphie eagerly. But they were both distraught and disgusted to read the following:

'A night of drinking':

Quistis and Seifer were both drunk. They were at the Timber pub.

Seifer: Hey! More Silkis!

"This isn't looking good." said Rinoa worriedly. "Good? It's horrible! I DO NOT drink!" cried Quistis. "Come on! I wanna hear more!" said Irvine. He then read the rest:

Seifer chugged down the Silkis.

Seifer: I'm gonna go to the alley.

Quistis: Don't leave me, little mouse!

They went to the alley, and suddenly, Seifer grabbed Quistis and kissed her.

There was a moment of silence, then everyone (except Seifer and Quistis) laughed their heads off. Quistis screamed and started to beat Seifer up. "HOW- DARE-YOU-YOU-SICK-MINDED-**PERVERT**!" Quistis cried. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Seifer cried. "Let's watch the lovebirds quarrel!" said Selphie. "Yeah, I can already imagine the honeymoon!" said Zell. Both Quistis and Seifer stared at the two, then started to chase them with axes. "While they're doing that, let's see some more stories!" said Rinoa. "Do we have to?" asked Squall. "There's one with Zell." said Rinoa. Squall grinned. "What are you waiting for woman! Get on with it!" Squall cried."Yo! We're gonna read another one!" Irvine yelled to Zell, Selphie, Seifer and Quistis. All four froze, then went back to their positions near the laptop. "Let ME do the honours." said Quistis, and read the story.

'Martial Arts Law'

Zell and Squall were training in the Training Centre.

Zell: OOOOHHHHH YEAHHHHH! WE BEAT THE T-REXAUR

Squall: Yeah, I know. Don't have to yell.

Zell froze, the he frowned at Squall.

Zell: Hey, it's not my fault you're gay!

Squall: (hesitated) Hey! You are too!"

The two froze in silence.

Zell: (timidly) H-hey... d-do you wanna go to the Cafeteria, for some lunch?

Squall: (blushes) Uhh... s-sure, I guess so...

The two headed to the Cafeteria.

When Quistis was done reading, Squall and Zell were screaming and cursing at each other. "COOTIES! YOU'VE GOT COOTIES!" Zell cried. "MALE PROSTITUTE!" Squall cried back.

"ASS WIPE!"

"BITCH-"

"STOP IT ALREADY!" cried Rinoa. But Squall and Zell kept at it. So Selphie quickly hit them with her nunchaku, knocking them unconscious. "Hmm, better!" said Selphie, looking at the two rest side by side.

LOL, things are gonna get even more insane!


	2. Insanity Kills

A/N: Sorry for the late update. It's summertime, what are ya gonna 'bout it? OK, then, back to our heros!

Chapter 2: Insanity kills...

An hour and a few slash stories have passed, and now our heros have now officially lost it. Zell is throwing hot dogs at anyone who dares go near him, Irvine is shooting the ceiling with his gun for no apparent reason and Squall and Seifer are trying to kill each other. The girls, though, are still reading the horrible slash stories on the lap top. "Ooh! Let's read this one! It's about... Zelvine?" said Selphie. "Who cares, let's read it!" said Rinoa, and started to read the story's contents.

"A night of drinking".

Zell woke up one morning with a big headache. He remembered going to the pub with Squall and Irvine for a 'few' drinks. He couldn't understand how one taste of that cool bitter tasting liquor could be so damn tempting. He sat up, and the realised that he had no clothes on.

Zell: (thinking) Man, I must've lost it last night.

Suddenly, he felt his sheets move.

Zell: (still thinking) Gosh, did I do IT! But with who? I hope it's Selphie!

Selphie screamed and started to chase Zell, who started to squeal like a monkey. "Guys! Settle down for a minute, I wanna hear what happens!" said Quistis. Everyone settled down their voices for a minute, and Rinoa continued with the story...

Zell looked at his companion, and recoiled in horror.

Zell: IRVINE!

Irvine hid his head underneath the sheets.

Irvine: Shut up, will ya? I'm trying to sleep!

Zell: Irvine, can't you see our situation right now? OMG, this is VERY bad!

Irvine: Oh, keep your pants on.

Zell: Well, that's not possible, because apparently, I don't have pants or a shirt on. And apparently, I don't think you have much on either.

Irvine looks at Zell, then he looks at himself. Finally realising their situation (jeez, what an idiot!), he sits up and they both yell in horror.

Irvine and Zell: AAHHHH! I DID IT WITH A GUY!

Zell: WHAT did you DO to me?

Irvine: Well, what did YOU do to ME?

Zell: Keep away from me!

Both of them quckly put their pants on and start to beat each other up. But suddenly, someone starts to knock on the door.

Zell: Crap, what are we gonna do!

Irvine: If somebody finds out we did it, it'll ruin my image with the ladies!

Zell looks around for an idea. His closet then catches his eye...

Zell: Irvine, hide in the closet!

Irvine: No way!

Zell: OK then, I guess the ladies would be amused to hear you did it with a guy.

Irvine: Well so did you!

Zell: (in a quiet, dreamy voice) Hot chicks...

Irvine whimpered, then quickly hid in the closet. Zell rushes to the door, opens it and quickly sits on his couch. His visitor, Squall steps in his dorm.

Zell: Oh, hey S-Squall. What's up?

Squall stands in front of Zell. Seing that his 'friend' doesn't have a shirt on, he gets suspicious.

Squall: What's going on, Zell?

Zell: What, can't a guy sleep without a shirt on?

Squall: Yeah, but I don't think jeans are considered sleepwear.

Zell looks at his pants, then shrugs.

Zell: So?

Squall raises a brow. He then starts to look around Zell's dorm. Feeling satisfied, he starts to leave.

Squall: I was just looking for Irvine. He owes me money, and he's not in his dorm.

Squall then opens the door.

Squall: If you see him, tell him I'll kill him if he doesn't pay up.

Zell nodds, and Squall leaves. He then quickly rushes to his closet and opens it. Irvine quickly runs out and takes big gasps of air.

Irvine: (gasp) God, it's hot in there!

Zell: You ok?

Irvine: Fine, 'cept for one thing.

Zell: What?

Irvine: My ass really hurts!

After the story, everyone (except Zell and Irvine) started laughing. "MAKE THE HORROR STOP!" Zell cried. "I-didn't-do-it-with-a-guy, I-didn't-do-it-with-a-guy!" Irvine said insanely. Sudenly, a familiar face steps into the room...

Look out for Chapter 3! Whee!


	3. Enter the Writer

A/N: Dude, long time since I last updated, eh? Well, here's Chappie 3, so everyone who thinks I'm insane (which is probably 90 of my readers/reviewers) and love this story, here it is!

Plus, I've received a review saying that slash was same gender pairings. When I first wrote this story, I forgot about that. He he.

Chapter 3: Enter the Writer

Quistis, Selphie and Rinoa stared at the guest with a "what-the-fuck" expression. Laguna, who had entered the room, smiled at them. "Yo. Wussup? Why is Squall hammering that vase to pieces? Why is Irvine singing "It's raining Men"? Why is Zell running around in a chicken costume? Why is Seifer screaming-" but Laguna was interrupted. "Very observant, Laguna. Why don't you just ask us about the laptop we're looking at?" Quistis pointed out. Laguna stared at the laptop for a minute. "What are you doing with a laptop...?" he asked slowly. "OOH, OOH!" Selphie literally screamed. "ZELL-FOUND-A-SLASH-SITE-BASED-ON-US-AND-WE'VE-BEEN-READING-THEM-FOR-AN-HOUR-AND-SINCE-MOST-OF-THE-STORIES-WE'VE-READ-IS-BASED-ON-THE-GUYS-DOING-IT-THEY'RE-ALL-CONFUSED-IF-THEY'RE-GAY-OR-NOT!" Selphie then said in one breathe. Laguna stood there with his mouth wide open, then he started to laugh. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Seriously, how bad could those stories be? Lemme read one of them!" he said, grabbing the laptop and reading the next piece of insanity...

"Untitled"

Laguna leaned on his bright red car. He had caught a date on an Internet dating service. He seemed enthusiastic to meet his date, clutching a large bouquet of flowers in his right hand.

Laguna: C'mon... hurry up...

Laguna checked his watch. It was 12:05, fifteen minutes before his date was supposed to start. Then suddenly, a yellow taxi cab pulled up beside his car, and out came a figure in a long black coat. The hood of the buttoned coat was covering the face of the wearer. Laguna smiled sweetly.

Laguna: Hi, you must be Jaylene!

Jaylene: Whatever.

Laguna: (thinking) Whoa... why is her voice so rough? Oh well, might as well give her the flowers.

Laguna then presented Jaylene with the bouquet of flowers. Jaylene looked at the bouquet with her sharp eyes hidden underneath her hood suspiciously, but accepted them anyway.

Laguna: Err... d-do you want some coffee?

Jaylene: Whatever.

Laguna raised a brow, but took his strange date to the coffee shop. After he bought the coffee, he brought it to the table where Jaylene was waiting.

Laguna: So Jaylene... can you tell me a bit about yourself?

Jaylene: Wasn't the Internet enough?

Laguna: Who knows if those bios are true?

Jaylene: Whatever.

Laguna then tried to look underneath Jaylene's hood, but instead she lowered her head,

Laguna: Why don't you take your coat off?

Jaylene: Not now.

Laguna: Why?

Jaylene: If you take me to the park, I'll take it off.

Laguna looked at her suspiciously, but agreed and took her to the park. As soon as they got there, they hid behind a large cluster of trees. Jaylene then slowly pulled up the lid. But before Laguna could see her face clearly, he planted a soft kiss on her lips. When he pulled back to see her 'beautiful' face, he recoiled in horror, for his date didn't really look very feminine.

Laguna: S-SEIFER!

Laguna then screamed his head off. Seifer then looked at him with a weird expression.

Seifer: You're a good kisser!

Laguna: EWW! I KISSED A **GUY**!

Seifer: So? there's nothing wrong with that. It's called "gay".

Laguna screamed again, but Seifer then kissed him. Laguna couldn't help but not resist...

(end)

Laguna, like his story counterpart, screamed his head off. Rinoa slapped her forehead. "And he's supposed to be a writer." she said sympathetically. "Girls, we need to cure these men before they make like Laguna's personality and become gay!" Quistis said frantically. "Right! I'll turn off the laptop, you guys calm them down! Selphie cried. "Why do you get to do the easy part!" Rinoa asked angrily. "Stop argueing and work, dammit!" Quistis cried. The girls nodded and set off to work and began saving their male friends.

A/N: ...Not as good as the others, you'll agree. I'll make up for it next chapter, when Quistis, Rinoa and Selphie try to revive Laguna, Squall, Zell and Irvine's masculine sides. Plus, there will be NO MORE slash stories, as I have run out of ideas. Sorry guys, but I'll try to add your late suggestions to another story, maybe to a sequel to this story ( I haven't decided!). So please hang on to this story, and please, REVIEW! Or else I'll be really, REALLY sad:(


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